Resistance

Friday was the big day! I finally got to talk to Brent after 2 long weeks of silence. I have to say, it didn't go as I had thought. Oh I was excited to hear from him and was definitely ready for him to be home soon, but as we started talking that night, I felt a resistance rising up inside me. Oh sure, it's easier to respect Brent while he is gone more than it is to respect him while he is physically here. When he is home I am face to face with actually having to work at my marriage and having to respect him. There isn't the face to face interaction and if we get in an argument on the phone, I know that by the next time we talk on the phone, things will have calmed down, blown over, and we will be able to keep going. Not face to face for me. Reality sets in and I won't be able to just hang up the phone and wait for things to blow over. It's what I've known since we were dating. It is easier for me to talk to my husband over the phone about things than it is face to face. We dated for 1.5 years and out of that 1.5 years, we physically saw each other about 2 months total. Resistance. I do have to say though that I only felt that the first time we talked on Friday. One thing that I have learned through this short period of blogging is that when I feel that way or start to focus on all the negative things or my thoughts run wild on me, I have to run to the scripture. Friday night I wanted to run to my Bible and start researching and reading and looking things up because I know that is where truth lies. I might not fully know where God will take me or what all of this is about, but I sure do know that my place of refuge is in Christ. I didn't actually get a chance to dive in like I had wanted to, but a verse from last time I blogged really stuck out to me when I thought of that resistance I felt toward Brent. "8 Be sober minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. 9Resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same kinds of suffering are being experienced by your brotherhood throughout the world." 1 Peter 5:8-9 'Resist him' That part of the verse stuck out so much in my head the last few days. The enemy wants me to fail. He wants me to feel that resistance to my husband and not to himself. So those feelings of resistance toward Brent coming home and actually having to put what I am learning into practice, although a little scary, are feelings not placed there by my Papa. They are the enemy's way of distracting me and causing me to doubt all that God is doing and teaching me and what I am learning through all of this. As for right now, this minute, my focus is on God and the things He is showing me. I know that I will have to adjust and then readjust and then readjust to the adjusting. lol. I'll have to adjust to him being home and then leaving again. Sigh. I know that the next few weeks will be a roller coaster of emotions as each time apart and each time we reunite, there is always an adjusting period. Relearning to physically include daddy into our lives. It's easy to keep him fresh in our minds as we go around the table talking about our favorite things about daddy. We include daddy in spirit and keep on going. It's hard to get into a routine, have him come home, adjust for a few months, try to include him in everything we do, and then just watch him walk out the door again. It's probably the thing I hate the most about being married to the Army. As for right now, that is life. (written a few days ago before Brent came home)