It has been quite some time since I've written. I guess that means that I have it all figured out and there is no need to write/think it out any more. Glad that is over. lol. Well no of course. The last few weeks have had it's ups and downs. If there's one thing I notice is that for me there are good days or weeks where I don't feel that pull or that need to rise up against Brent. Then there are those times when I really could care less and just say and do what I please. I know that sin nature plays a huge role of course.
(Eve! a little side note.. apparently I have expressed my Eve!ness to my kids and now I'll hear the kids talking about when Adam and Eve sinned and I'll over hear, Man Eve! Hehe.. kind of funny to me. Makes me chuckle a bit)
I also know that we are in a constant battle with our flesh. I do have to say that I feel a change in myself. Not patting myself on the back here.. far from it. In fact I feel as though I still have more to learn on respecting Brent. I feel a peace. Over the last few weeks I feel as though the light bulb went on. Ding! I got it! Funny how when I seem to be getting it, the enemy is right there to boost my self esteem. "Good job Katie!" Pat on the back. Yes for a short few days I did want to pat myself on the back because things were running smoothly and I was understanding what it meant to be a respectful wife, but I was quickly reminded with a few moody weeks inbetween, that I did not gain that knowledge on my own. Oh how quickly we fall and I have to say, how thankful I am that God doesn't allow me to stay in that place. I am thankful for His sometimes gentle reminder that it is He and only He who reveals those things to me.
It is quite interesting how God works when I ask Him for certain things, well even when I don't, but especially when I do. It isn't about finding the answer. Why can't I respect Brent? Or why do I have an attitude? What it's really about comes no where close to my attitude with Brent but my attitude with God.
I love hearing other wives talk about their husbands. Not in a bad way, but in that mushy gushy way. You know, the girl who just married and is so blissfully and wonderfully in love with her husband. You paint this picture in your mind about who this man is and through her eyes what a wonderful man he is. What I love even more is a woman who has been married to her hero for years and paints this beautiful picture of who her husband is through God's eyes. Never a hint of his failures. Never dishonoring or disrespecting who he is as a man, a husband, a father. I love to hear how she is still so mushy gushy in love with her man. Her words are honoring and building her husband up. I can't say that mine have always been that way or that I don't find myself leaving a conversation thinking, "Was that honoring my husband?" I can't say I always walking away knowing I was honoring with my words. Sometimes I get so carried away in conversation I sit back and think, "Did I just say that?"
So yeah, that's where I am at right now. Still reading, still diving, still learning.
