Welcome Back Feelings! Oh How I Have Missed You!

Since starting this adventure, I have learned a lot about myself. Yesterday night I was sitting watching The Avengers and all of a sudden, I missed Brent. I mean, it's not as though I haven't missed Brent before. I always miss him when he is gone, but lately I've had this numb feeling about, well, my feelings. The last time he left for school everything seemed to go wrong. We had just moved into our house a week before he left for 2 months and boy was that an adventure without him being here. What could go wrong seemed to have gone wrong. Anyway, that's not what I am writing about. lol. This time though, it seems as though the kids and I had just picked up where we left off while he was gone at school. As if he is a come and go and life goes on, see you when you get back. It's been that way, in a sense, our whole married life. He leaves, we keep going at home, he comes home. He's home for a while, and then he leaves again. It's just a continuous circle. Never-ending. So the last two times he has been gone, I have missed him, but as I've been thinking of this all last night and all day today, I haven't exactly been missing the person, just what he does when he is at home. Missing the freedom without the kids when I go to the grocery store or not having to pay a babysitter so I can have a girl's night out. As a military spouse, I'm not sure if shutting those emotions off are supposed to make it easier, but I have found it's just made me feel more distant. For the first time, in quite some time, I miss Brent. I mean actually miss him. It's the deep down, yearning, crying as I am driving to Walmart at 8pm out of no where flood gates miss him. I know God is working in me. I know that He is changing things within me, but for right now, at this very moment, I am so thankful and overjoyed to feel. I can't describe it. I'm not only missing the absence of this person who comes and goes. I am missing the man. My man. I am missing who he is. I am missing how he just makes me so mad when I am trying to talk to him about something that is stressful and he says funny things to get me to laugh just so I am not as stressed. I miss when he tells me to lock myself in our room and read my Bible when I am feeling as though I just can't take another argument among the kids or tattling or spill or whatever else. I miss his laugh. I miss hearing thanks for dinner after we are done eating. Or thanks for breakfast or lunch. Always trying to make an effort even if I don't always notice. I miss the laughter from the kids while their daddy is chasing them around as the tickle monster. lol. He really is an amazing man and I am so blessed to be called his wife. :) Anyway. I just had to share that tonight.