This is my journey as a wife. I have to say that over the last few years, I have really struggled to be respectful of my husband. I didn't realize it was that until we were stationed in Korea and I heard it from my awesome MOPS director Jill. Respecting my husband. What a concept. Between praying and reading my Bible, God showed me what needed to be changed. And let me say, it wasn't easy. Well, a few years later and I feel like I am right back in the same boat. I'm not sure if it's because God is constantly changing us as husband and wife, our likes and dislikes, or if I've fallen into the habit of holding onto his responsibilities. Feeling this sense of entitlement. I bore the children. I stay home with them. I carry all the responsibility while he is gone anyway, so why not continue. Some of that conscious and some unconscious that God has brought to my attention. Somewhere along the way, I have forgotten to see my husband through Jesus' eyes. I have failed to see that he is human too and continually fail to respect him unconditionally. This will not be a husband bashing blog. This will not be a blog where I complain and belittle my husband. This blog is a blog for me. This is a blog for my failures and for what God teaches me. On the flip side, I have to remember that without my husband (and God of course), we wouldn't have our children that I "bore myself". I wouldn't be able to be a stay at home mom without my husband supporting me. And just because I am home and "carry ALL (rolling my eyes) the responsibilities" of being home while he is away doesn't mean for a second that he isn't wishing he were home to take on those responsibilities. So why is it so hard for me to yield to my husband? Why is it so hard for me to, at the root of it, yield to God when it comes my to husband? Where does this feeling of entitlement come from? Well, I am going to find out. There was a point where after we left Korea, being respectful was more of a check off on my list. Work on myself. Check. Work on my marriage. Double check. How foolish. I know that God is constantly shaping and molding me. I know that no matter what, He will not be done shaping and molding me until He takes me Home. I also know that I can't change without God. So here we go...
"Lord, here I am again. Sitting at your feet, frustrated, confused, and just plain tired. I am tired of trying to do this marriage thing on my own, without you. Lord go into the dark rooms of my heart, the rooms I have shut off to you, and show me, change me, shape me, and mold me. Lord teach me. My Papa, my God. Help me surrender whatever needs to be surrendered so that I can glorify you in all my relationships, with you, my husband, my kids, my family, my friends. Papa, you promise "Come to me all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light." Matthew 11:28-30"
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