I Just Might Be Seeing Things...

It's been a crazy few days. Making a cake, getting stung by a bee, going to Urgent Care because of said bee, running around like a chicken with her head cut off to get school stuff for the kids, and on and on. I have to say though that Sunday morning was probably the best part of my weekend. I started going to Calvary North Country in June 2011 and have loved it from the first service attended. The last month/month and a half have been really convicting for me. It's there that God revealed to me that I had a critical heart toward my husband and limiting God with my unbelief. "Don't let the enemy plant a seed of unbelief for your spouse 'they'll never change' ( <--I think this can also include myself, which is how I looked at it), Embrace them, love them. God has covered your sins. Extend that forgiveness to others." (Pastor Kory Wells) Then this last Sunday we talked about Herod when he was swayed by his wife and his people. Herod came into a relationship with his brother's wife, John the Baptist said that was no good, and Herod imprisoned him, but didn't kill him due to his fear and superstition. Then his wife's daughter danced for him, he made an oath that she could have whatever she wanted, and her request was John the Baptist's head on a platter which was a request made by his wife through her daughter. He of course had to honor his oath and put John to death. There were quite a few things that spoke to me while listening to the message yesterday. One thing that stood out to me was this, "What is more important, what the multitude says? Or what God says?". This was very eye opening for me with the start of this journey to be the wife God intends me to be. Should I listen to the world on who a wife should be? Or am I listening to God on who, as His child and a wife, I am supposed to be. I've always had a hard time balancing between God and my husband. Is that awful to admit? Sometimes I put my husband before God. I know THAT is horrible to admit. And I hesitate to even write it. But if I am going to change, I have to be honest. Again, I know that there is always that struggle between balancing between God and husband. "32 I want to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. 33 But the married man is anxious about worldly thing, how to please his wife. 34 and his interests are divided. And the unmarried or the betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband." 1 Corinthians 7:32-35. I think that Paul was onto something here. My heart feels divided. I hear all the time to listen to God or to follow His leading. Well I have tried that. There have been times where I really feel God calling me to do something, but when I come to my husband with it, it doesn't always happen. Did I misread or misunderstand what God was saying? Am I not communicating with my husband like I should be on these things? Do I follow God's leading or follow my husband's leading? I'm not saying my husband is this horrible person by all means. I get so wrapped up in doing as I please, to a certain extent, while Brent is gone, that it's hard to then communicate what God is showing me while he is gone and while he is home. I am learning though what confirmation from the Lord is through my Pastor and his wife. I am learning that if God is really calling me to do something that He will not only confirm it to me through His Word, but He will also confirm it to my husband through His Word. Sometimes I forget that and my thoughts get focused on what my husband is "limiting" me on. Sometimes I choose to listen to the multitude on what my 'rights' as a wife are and ignore what God says about the beauty of being a submissive wife. Maybe I have known all along how to be respectful but ignore it. I've been reading through the Old Testament and over and over again God has shown me all the different kings who "did what was evil in the sight of the Lord". Let me tell you, 10 out of 10 times that king did not have a long healthy life. In fact, their lives were destroyed. They chose to do what they wanted to do and not what was pleasing to God. 10 out of 10 times the kings who "did what was right in the sight of the Lord"  were blessed by God and their kingdoms flourished. So maybe I have this blurred idea/thought of how marriage works and what my role as a wife should be. My pastor made this comment in his message on Sunday.. "If our thoughts go against what God says, we are wrong." I think I am beginning to really understand what it means to submit to my husband. I feel as though what I learned a few years back was just scratching the surface of understanding what God intended for husbands and wives in marriage. It's as though I got just enough for me to get by as a wife. I stopped digging. Check, I'm good! No need to go any further. I was wrong. I should have kept digging deeper into God's Word. Although, I might not have been ready at that time to understand more, God works in His timing, not ours. Of course I can't go back, so I'm going forward, and I have to say, I am really loving going deeper into God's Word. For the first time in a few months, I have been excited to sit and read at my Papa's feet. I sit down now and instead of reading one chapter, it's two or three. I'm not able to read that much everyday, but my heart yearns for more, to go deeper. I am so excited to learn more and see more of where God will take me! :)