The 'S' Word...

Submit. Shreeeek!!! Run away! That's exactly what this word makes me feel like doing. The definition of the word submit is "to yield oneself to the authority or will of another; surrender". "Surrender ~ to give up completely or agree to forgo especially in favor of another." When I think of the word submit, especially when talking about submitting to my husband, I have such a bad taste in my mouth. Any time I try talking to anyone about being more respectful of my husband, I get the world's response where I am looked at like I am crazy. If anything HE should be giving YOU the respect! You clean the house, make dinner, do the laundry, and on and on it goes. Well, when you put it THAT way... I guess my blog isn't going to be as long as I thought it would be. The End! lol. So instead of instinctively following the advice of others, I dove into God's Word today. Ephesians 5:22-23 says, "Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church." Let me tell you, there are many times when I honestly feel that things my husband does or how he wants things run is just plain silly. Apparently it's not the way I would do things, so it must be silly. Right? And then I fight and argue and "put my foot down". And sometimes, not often, I win. Ha ha! I have won! The feeling that 'I have won' out-rules the fact that at what cost did I win? Was winning said battle more important to me than my own marriage? How far am I willing to win? And how far am I willing to stop fighting my marriage and I start fighting for my marriage? It is hard for me to just surrender to my husband. Even reading the definition again of both submit and surrender, my natural reaction is to cringe. There is such negativity that comes from the word Submit. So again, I go to the Word. If you look at the verses just before verse 22 you'll see in Ephesians 5: 20-21, "giving thanks always for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ." And directly after that it talks about wives submitting to their husbands. Funny that I read that verse and I can't even describe the excitement I get in submitting to others out of reverence to Christ, my Papa! Just seconds later though I read to submit to my husband and I cringe. Weird. 
I found quite a few verses today, so bear with me...

"Do not let your adorning be external - the braiding of your hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear - but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious. For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening." 1 Peter 3: 3-6

"Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you." James 4:7

"But I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ, the head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God." 1 Corinthians 11:3

What amazingly convicting passages. So in 1 Peter, God is telling me that I am to adorn myself with a quiet and gentle spirit? That I am to submit to my husband as Sarah did to Abraham? And she called him lord? What? My heart. Where is my heart right now? God says that a wife's inward beauty is precious in His sight. Precious. I have no words to describe what I am feeling other than I can in no way ever fully understand how deep my Papa's love for me goes. I see myself as one thing and He sees me as someone completely different. No, I don't feel very precious and I don't feel that I even come close to having a quiet and gentle heart when it comes to submitting to my husband. But God calls this precious. I'm pretty sure that our world or society wouldn't call being submissive very precious. So why? Why do I need to be submissive to my husband? Well, God showed me in 1 Corinthians that Christ is the head of every man. That the head of a wife is her own husband. And that God is the head of Christ. The word that comes to mind is from a book I read a while back in a book club. Trust. In reality, I fight submitting because deep down, for some reason (and I'll get to that), I don't trust my husband. Even further than that, I don't trust God with my husband. Oh I trust God with the little things and even the big things, but my husband? God has put my husband as the head of our home, our family, me. Somewhere between God showing me that in the book and now, I have forgotten about trusting God. I have forgotten that God is ultimately leading my husband who is leading me. My husband is in the Word, prays daily, stands firm to what he believes is right, and much more. So being reminded that by trusting my husband I am in reality trusting God, why is it so hard to submit still? Is it the constant back and forth of being dad and mom while he is gone? Is it because I think I know better than him? Why? I just don't know. I look forward though to when God is going to show me why. I look forward to Him cleaning out those rooms I've so desperately tried to keep hidden. 
"7 Where shall I go from your Spirit? Of where shall I flee from your presence? 8 If I ascend to heaven, you are there! If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there! 9 If I take the wings of the morning and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, 10 even there your hand shall lead me, and your right hand shall hold me. 11 If I say, 'Surely the darkness shall cover me, and the light about me be night.' 12 Even the darkness is not dark to you; the night is bright as the day, for the darkness is as light with you." Psalm 139: 7-12