After writing the last fewdays, I feel I need to pause for second. The last few days have been really heavy and deep for me. Coming away seeing how much of a sinner I am and how often I fail in my marriage, as a parent, as a friend has really effected me and has really challenged me to see what I do know and who am I in Christ. If I stay focused on just my failures, I am going to be one depressed person. So what DO I know? "13For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. 14 I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. 15 My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. 16 Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them." Psalm 139: 13-16. I DO know that I was created on purpose, with great thought by my Papa. I'm not just thought of, I was intricately woven/knitted together by God. Not only was I intricately made, my days were already planned before they were even written. So that not only tells me that I am precious in my Papa's eyes because He so tenderly made me, He also knew that I would be run over, I would marry my husband, that I would have these struggles, that I would seek Him for answers, even though I don't fully understand.
I also know that I am His child! "6 And because you are sons, God has sent the Spirit of His Son into our hearts, crying, "Abba! Father!" 7 So you are no longer a slave, but a son, and if a son, then an heir through God." Galatians 4:6-7. Because I am His child, I also have the promise of being His heir. And through that, I have a promise of hope! "3 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. According to His great mercy, He has caused us to be born again to living hope, through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, 4 to an inheritance, that is imperishable, undefiled, and unfading, kept in heaven for you, 5 who by God's power are being guarded through faith for a salvation ready to be revealed in the last time. 6 In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary you have been by various trials, 7 so that the tested genuineness of your faith - more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire - may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ. 8 Though you have not seen him, you love Him. 9 Though you so not now see Him, you believe in Him and rejoice with joy that is inexpressible and filled with glory, 9 obtaining the outcome of your faith, the salvation of your souls." 1 Peter 1: 3-9.
I just need to be reminded of all of that today. I know I'm not perfect and I know that I fail miserably at times. I know that the enemy can really twist and turn my thoughts and bring out that selfish prideful person. I am respectful of my husband in some areas, but other areas are hard for me to just yield to him. And that is what has set me out on this journey... :)
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